What Is Perfectionism?
Individuals who describe themselves as perfectionists have high expectations of themselves and their work. They fear making mistakes and consequently spend a lot of time ensuring their work is perfect. In some cases, even when an individual receives positive feedback, they may not be able to take this in, and instead, they focus on how they could have done better. I support individuals who share in being critical of their work and themselves, regardless of positive feedback and validation from others. In counselling, we unpack how this impacts an individual and where it stems from. It can feel exhausting for individuals when they don’t feel good enough despite their best efforts.
Understanding Perfectionism and Burnout
In counselling, I support clients who share feelings of burnout. They describe feeling overwhelmed, drained, stressed, and exhausted. These clients struggle to feel motivated, sleep or switch off, stay focused, and complete tasks.
Perfectionism can result in burnout in the following ways.
- High expectations can result in individuals pushing themselves to achieve impossible standards. When these standards are unmet, individuals feel increasingly dissatisfied and critical of themselves. It can feel draining when, no matter what you do, it’s not enough.
- Fear of failure can result in individuals overworking themselves and focusing on time-consuming details. In counselling, clients share feelings and worries about failing and how this results in them being unable to switch off.
- Self-critical individuals view mistakes as a reflection of themselves rather than a learning opportunity. In counselling, clients share feelings of embarrassment or shame about their mistakes and worry about what other people will think.
- Stress – individuals who overwork and overthink every detail often share feelings of stress. They find it difficult to relax or switch off even when not at work.
- Judgment: Individuals judge their abilities and compare their work or progress to others. They struggle to accept themselves and to have self-compassion.
The Perfectionism-Anxiety-Burnout Cycle
Individuals who identify as perfectionists have high standards and expectations. This pressure to exceed expectations can result in anxiety and fear. In counselling, individuals share feelings of anxiety about letting other people down or being viewed as incompetent. This feeling of anxiety can push individuals to work harder, which then results in burnout.
In counselling, I unpack:
- Where does perfectionism stem from for clients
- Negative core beliefs, such as not being good enough or feeling incompetent
- Critical self-talk and work with clients to cultivate self-compassion
- Practicing self-care and meeting your basic needs
- Your view of self and strengthen your relationship with yourself
Worry Burnout: When Anxiety Becomes Overwhelming
Worry burnout involves an individual constantly worrying, which impacts their emotional and physical health. Some clients share that they feel like their minds are racing and cannot switch them off. Even when a client is in a different environment, which is not stressful, their mind finds something else to worry about or continues to ruminate over the same worries.
You may experience the following:
- Your nervous system may feel heightened or activated.
- You may feel exhausted and stuck.
- You may feel irritated or angry more easily.
- You may experience physical symptoms such as aches, pains, or dizziness.
- Your appetite may be impacted.
- You may struggle to sleep and experience periods of insomnia.
In counselling, I unpack the worries my client is experiencing and where they feel stuck and overwhelmed. I incorporate Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) with some clients, which helps individuals process their worries by focusing on distressing or negative thoughts, feelings, and experiences rather than avoiding them. ACT supports individuals in accepting their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours rather than changing or avoiding them. We work together, and I support clients in separating themselves from their distressing thoughts so they don’t feel stuck. We also work towards clients feeling more connected and aligned with their goals and values.
I incorporate Cognitive Acceptance Therapy (CBT) with other clients. CBT helps individuals focus on how their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are connected. It focuses on cognitive distortions such as black-and-white thinking, catastrophizing, and overgeneralization. I work with clients to identify their thinking patterns and where they feel stuck. Together, we explore ways to change thinking patterns so clients feel less stuck or overwhelmed and more in control. For example, I encourage clients to challenge their thoughts and look for evidence of their likelihood of coming true. Our thoughts are not facts, and many thoughts and worries do not become a reality.
Another modality I incorporate in counselling is Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT). Clients can learn skills and strategies to help them with emotional regulation and distress tolerance. Clients learn how to ground themselves in the present moment when their worries come to the surface. They also learn how to shift their thinking so they focus on the present moment rather than the past or the future. Moreover, clients learn how to attune to their nervous system so they feel less activated or heightened. I work with clients to understand how their nervous system reacts when worrying and what sensations surface.
Finally, for clients who do not find talk therapy helpful, I suggest Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). Clients learn grounding techniques, such as having a container and practicing visualizing their safe space. We then identify distressing experiences they want to process by completing the target sequence plan. Clients process their distressing experience with bilateral stimulation. This could involve them following my fingers, tapping their knee or feet, and butterfly taps. We continue processing an experience until it is no longer distressing. Each session ends with grounding to ensure the client does not leave feeling activated.
Practicing Self-Compassion and Mindfulness to Prevent Burnout
Practicing self-compassion may look like:
- Being kinder to yourself and letting yourself off the hook if or when you feel you could have done something differently.
- Shifting your self-talk so it is less harsh and critical and more compassionate and understanding.
- Reflecting on your thoughts and noticing how you feel when overthinking a situation.
- Challenging and questioning some of your core negative beliefs and strengthening positive beliefs.
- Identifying how you feel when you are patient and more compassionate towards yourself.
- Treating yourself with love and kindness that you deserve and are worthy of.
If you want to learn more, I recommend reading Kristen Neff’s book on Firece Self-Compassion.
Practicing mindfulness may look like:
- Mindfully eat a meal without distractions, such as screens. This will help you stay more present and enjoy each mouthful.
- Mindfully walking with no distractions, so no music or podcast. This will help you notice what you can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell.
- Mindfully completing a task that needs to be completed with no distractions, so no noise or devices. This will help you notice your feelings and thoughts that surface in that moment.
- Mindfully meditating in a comfortable position and focusing on your breath. This will help you become more aware of how you feel and where you feel your feelings in your body.
Preventing burnout may involve becoming more aware of how you feel, your thoughts and behaviours, and what you need when you feel anxious or stressed. In counselling, we can unpack this and focus on your nervous system.
If you want to learn more about how counselling can help you, please get in touch. If you want to determine whether I may be a good fit, please book a free 15-minute consultation.
