Five common couples counselling questions

Couples Counselling Burnaby

Understanding couples counselling 

Marriage counselling or couples counselling helps couples strengthen their connection. I am a registered clinical counsellor (#19428), trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and offer couples counselling in Burnaby and online. Couples counselling allows each partner to feel heard, supported, and validated in a safe and supportive space. 

Couples can explore where they feel stuck and discuss communication, intimacy, or trust issues. But what does couples counselling involve, and how can it help? In this post, I’ll answer five questions about couples counselling, including how it can help couples and what to expect in couples counselling.   

  1. What is marriage counselling? 
  2. How can marriage counselling help couples?
  3. What happens in a couples counselling session?
  4. What should a couples counsellor know?
  5. Does couples counselling help or harm a relationship 

What is Marriage Counseling?

Marriage counselling or couples counselling is a form of therapy where I support couples who feel stuck in their relationship. As a couples counsellor, I hear from both partners and remain curious to learn about what issues are coming up. Some couples want support with communication, rebuilding trust, and resolving conflicts. Other couples want support with core negative beliefs such as not feeling heard, cared for, or loved. A couple may seek marriage counselling at any stage of their marriage. Some couples start marriage counselling as a last resort, and others may begin before having children. 

How Can Marriage Counseling Help Couples?

Marriage counseling can provide several benefits to couples:

  • Improved Communication: I support couples who feel frustrated, hurt, and disappointed in their relationship. One partner will share that underneath this frustration is a longing to feel heard and seen. As a counsellor, I unpack how each partner feels and how this impacts their thoughts and behaviour. 
  • Strengthened connection: I support couples who want to feel emotionally connected to each other. One partner will share feeling hurt when their partner shuts down or withdraws. This disconnection leaves both partners feeling lonely. 
  • Understand past abuse or trauma: I support couples where one or both partners have experienced abuse or trauma. This impacts their relationship and connection. As a couples counsellor, I explore how past abuse or trauma comes to the surface for each partner. I’m also curious to understand how each partner behaves when triggered and if they are aware of their trauma response. 
  • Building trust: I support couples in rebuilding trust in their relationship. I’ve worked with couples where trust was lost due to infinitely. Couples counselling enables partners to explore where and when they felt disconnected and how to rebuild their connection in a safe and compassionate space. 
  • Intimacy: I support couples who want to explore intimacy issues in counselling. One partner will share feeling disconnected from their partner due to a lack of intimacy. I work with both partners to understand how their intimacy issues are impacting them. 

What Happens in a Couples Counselling Session?

During the first couples counselling session, I support and encourage both partners to share their feelings and where they feel stuck in the relationship. I also build rapport with partners while creating a safe, nonjudgmental, compassionate space. Finally, I explain EFT and how this modality will shape future sessions. 

I let couples know that their relationship is my client. As we continue couples counselling, I explore each partner’s attachment styles, needs, and fears. Partners learn more about themselves and their partners in sessions. Finally, the cycle in which a couple feels stuck becomes more evident, and couples learn to identify behaviours that contribute to the cycle continuing. 

What Should a Couples Counselor Know?

As a couples counsellor, I’m experienced, trained, and knowledgeable in the following ways: 

  • Communication: I support couples with communication issues and ensure both partners feel heard, understood, and supported. 
  • Conflict management: As a couples counsellor, I support couples in managing conflict both in and outside counselling.
  • Cycle: I work with couples to identify their cycle, learn how they both feel stuck and consider what they could do differently moving forward. 
  • Empathy and attunement: As a couples counsellor, I’m empathetic towards both partners and remain attuned to how they feel in counselling. 
  • Evidence-based modalities—I support couples by incorporating EFT in counselling sessions. The Gottman method is another modality that couples counselors incorporate. 

Does Couples Counseling Help or Harm a Relationship?

Couples counselling can benefit couples, and many notice these benefits after the first few sessions. Some partners appreciate sharing their thoughts and feelings in a safe space. Other partners appreciate learning more about their partner and, in turn, understanding their behaviour. These moments strengthen a couple’s connection and relationship.  

However, couples counselling may be harmful if a couple’s counsellor is not skilled or experienced. It may also be detrimental if one partner is not willing to engage or be open to the counselling process. Finally, one partner may already be checked out of the relationship; in this case, couples counselling may not be helpful. 

Conclusion

Couples counselling can help couples strengthen their connection, improve communication, and work on areas where they feel stuck.  Couples can start couples counselling at any stage of their relationship. Some seek support when they feel helpless, but others start counselling to strengthen their connection and trust with their partner. The success or benefit of counselling depends on the partners’ commitment to counselling and the counselor’s experience.

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