This blog post will focus on:
- Understanding Internalised Shame in the 2SLGBTQ+ Community
- Steps for healing and overcoming shame
- Evidence-based, inclusive approaches to overcome shame
- Creating Safe Spaces for 2SLGBTQ+ Individuals
- Resources for 2SLGBTQ+ Youth and Families
- Connect with At Ease Counselling
Understanding Internalised Shame in the 2SLGBTQ+ Community
For many 2SLGBTQ+ people in Canada and beyond, shame can be a silent yet powerful force. It can affect relationships, mental health, and self-worth—even before someone fully understands or accepts their own identity.
Internalised shame is not simply personal; it is rooted in societal messages, cultural stories, and historical oppression. While Canada has made significant progress toward 2SLGBTQ+ rights and inclusion, the lingering legacy of discrimination, colonialism, and religious intolerance continues to impact lives today.
What Is Internalised Shame?
Shame vs. Guilt
It’s important to distinguish between shame and guilt.
- Guilt is about something you did: “I made a mistake.”
- Shame is about who you are: “I am a mistake.”
For 2SLGBTQ+ individuals, internalised shame develops when societal rejection becomes embedded in self-perception.
Internalised Homophobia and Transphobia
This often appears as internalised homophobia, transphobia, or biphobia—the belief that being 2SLGBTQ+ is wrong, sinful, unnatural, or unworthy. These messages can create self-hatred, identity denial, or a drive to prove one’s worth through perfectionism or people-pleasing.
How Shame Develops in 2SLGBTQ+ People
Early Messages and Social Conditioning
Many queer and trans people grow up receiving the message—directly or indirectly—that their identities are not acceptable.
These messages can come from:
- Family beliefs or language
- School environments
- Religious teachings
- Media representation (or lack thereof)
- Colonial and cultural narratives
Sometimes these signals are subtle: silence, exclusion, or a lack of role models.
The Legacy of Colonialism and Religion in Canada
Colonisation imposed Christian values that deemed Two-Spirit and LGBTQ+ identities as deviant. Many Indigenous cultures once honoured Two-Spirit people, recognising multiple genders and sexual orientations. Colonisation erased and suppressed these roles, creating lasting shame for many Indigenous 2SLGBTQ+ people.
How Internalised Shame Manifests
Internalised shame doesn’t always appear as sadness or low self-esteem.
It can show up as:
- Self-Rejection: Hiding or denying identity, avoiding coming out, or trying to “pass” as straight or cisgender.
- Risky Behaviours: Coping through substance use or unsafe sex practices to feel accepted.
- Overachieving: Seeking perfection or success to prove worth—often at the expense of mental health.
- Relationship Struggles: Difficulty forming healthy relationships due to fear of intimacy or feelings of unworthiness.
- Lateral Violence: Projecting shame onto others in the community through judgment, exclusion, or gatekeeping.
Steps Toward Healing and Overcoming Shame
Healing from internalised shame is possible—and many 2SLGBTQ+ Canadians are reclaiming pride, joy, and authenticity.
- Naming the Shame
Recognising and labelling internalised shame helps separate it from one’s identity. Understanding its origin—family, religion, culture—can break its power.
Instead of “I am broken,” say: “I was taught to believe I was broken.”
- Reconnecting With Affirming Communities
Healing happens in connection. Seek or create supportive 2SLGBTQ+ spaces, such as:
- Campus Pride centres
- Local 2SLGBTQ+ groups
- Indigenous healing circles and Two-Spirit gatherings
- Inclusive spiritual or religious spaces.
- Accessing Mental Health Support
2SLGBTQ+-affirming therapists, especially those trained in trauma and identity work, can help unpack early messages and rebuild self-worth.
Supportive Canadian resources include:
- Pride Counselling
- EGALE Canada
- Wellness Together Canada
- Educating Yourself
Learning 2SLGBTQ+ history can be empowering—knowledge counters shame.
Resources include:
- LGBTQ2+ Purge in Canada(documentary)
- A Two-Spirited Journey by Ma-Nee Chacaby
- EGALE Canada’s reports and toolkits.
- Celebrating Your Identity
Celebrate queerness or transness—attend Pride, create art, dance, or practice spirituality. This isn’t performative pride, but about living freely and unapologetically.
Allyship as a Pathway to Collective Healing
What It Means to Be an LGBTQ+ Ally
Being an ally means showing up daily to reduce harm and increase dignity for 2SLGBTQ+ individuals. It’s about listening without judgment, believing someone’s experiences, learning continuously, and using your privilege to create safer spaces.
We can all make mistakes. What matters is taking responsibility, repairing the harm, and moving forward. Allies commit to educating themselves rather than relying on 2SLGBTQ+ individuals to teach them.
Special Considerations for Two-Spirit and BIPOC LGBTQ+ People
The Intersection of Racism and Queer Identity
For Black, Indigenous, and People of Colour (BIPOC), racism can compound the shame tied to 2SLGBTQ+ identity. Communities historically impacted by oppression may hold conservative or survival-based attitudes that stigmatise queerness.
Healing requires culturally safe spaces that honour both cultural and 2SLGBTQ+ identities.
Moving From Shame to Pride
Letting go of shame doesn’t mean denying it ever existed—it means acknowledging the pain, understanding its source, and choosing to live authentically despite it.
Practice Self-Compassion
Replace self-blame with kindness:
“I did the best I could with what I was taught.”
Over time, this compassion becomes a powerful healing force.
Become a Role Model
Mentoring or advocating for younger or newly out 2SLGBTQ+ people can be deeply healing. It helps rewrite the story—and create more accepting futures for all.
Internalised shame may be deeply rooted, but it is not permanent. By naming it, seeking connection, embracing support, and celebrating identity, 2SLGBTQ+ people across Canada can move from shame to pride—and live fully, freely, and authentically.
Evidence-Based, Inclusive Approaches to Overcome Shame
Tailored Modalities for Trauma-Informed Care
Effective therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s about finding what works best for you based on your unique goals and finding the right one for you. As a Burnaby therapist, I use evidence-based approaches tailored to your needs. Here are some of the modalities I draw from:
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – I work with clients who struggle with different thinking traps such as black-and-white thinking, catastrophizing, and overgeneralization. I work with clients to identify their thinking patterns and where they feel stuck. For example, some clients struggle with the thought that others are judging them. Together, we explore ways to change thinking patterns so clients feel less stuck or overwhelmed and more in control. For example, I encourage clients to challenge their thoughts and look for evidence of their likelihood of coming true. Many of the clients I work with struggle with negative ‘what-if’ thoughts, which impact how they feel and their behaviour.
- Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) – In counselling in Burnaby, I unpack the worries my client is experiencing and where they feel stuck and overwhelmed. ACT helps individuals process their worries by focusing on distressing or negative thoughts, feelings, and experiences rather than avoiding them, for example, feeling misunderstood or judged by others because of their sexual or gender orientation. We work together, and I support clients in separating themselves from their distressing thoughts so they don’t feel stuck.
Processing Past Experiences to Support Present Growth
Unpacking Trauma and Its Impact on Self-Worth
Trauma can show up from chronic invalidation, social rejection, or years of hiding who you are. These experiences can shape how your nervous system responds, leaving you feeling hypervigilant, numb, or both. As your counsellor in Burnaby, I work with clients to safely and gradually process these experiences without re-living them. Together, we untangle your sense of self-worth from the harm others may have caused and rewrite your story with care and compassion.
For example, if you’ve spent years feeling like you had to hide parts of yourself to fit in, we explore how that impacted your confidence and relationships. Over time, you’ll start to see yourself not as someone shaped solely by pain but as someone capable of growth and resilience.
Creating Safe Spaces for 2SLGBTQ+ Individuals
1/ At Home
At home, 2SLGBTQ+ individuals need support from primary caregivers to express how they feel. They need their feelings validated and don’t want to feel judged. Some youth avoid sharing because they fear being misunderstood or causing conflict. As a counsellor, I support individuals who don’t feel safe to share their sexual or gender orientation with their primary caregivers. I support these individuals by unpacking how they could feel safer at home. In some cases, this is not always possible, and in these instances, I explore where individuals are safe to express themselves and are accepted. I also work with individuals who don’t feel comfortable or ready to share with family members. I support these individuals by identifying what fears or feelings prevent them from feeling comfortable sharing with family members.
2/ At School
In school, 2SLGBTQ+ youth need support from teachers, peers, and administrators to feel safe and included. Youth need to feel like they belong in a culturally sensitive, inclusive environment that is respectful and accepting of everyone. Bullying, exclusion, or lack of representation can make schools unsafe. As a counsellor, I often support youth who feel anxious about attending school or experience panic attacks due to unsupportive environments. I support them by sharing tools and strategies, such as emotional regulation skills, as part of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. Whilst we don’t control how other people may treat us, we do control how we react or respond. I empower individuals in counselling so they feel more in control of their lives.
3/ Online
Online, 2SLGBTQ+ youth need protection from bullying and age-inappropriate content. As a counsellor, I support youth who seek external validation via likes on social media. I focus on building and strengthening internal validation with these individuals. I also spend time exploring aspects of life where a youth feels like they have control over, versus aspects of their life where they don’t. Caregivers can help by limiting screen time, monitoring interactions, and ensuring platforms are safe. I work with youth who struggle with thoughts of self-harm or low self-confidence due to interactions online. I also support youth who experience cyberbullying or withdraw from in-person connections due to stronger online friendships.
Resources for 2SLGBTQ+ Youth and Families
Here are some resources for 2SLGBTQ+ individuals and their families:
PFLAG Canada: Support for families, friends, and allies of 2SLGBTQ+ individuals.
The Trevor Project: Crisis intervention and suicide prevention for 2SLGBTQ+ youth. Visit The Trevor Project
Two-Spirit Resources: A hub for Indigenous 2SLGBTQ+ individuals.
Trans Lifeline: Peer support hotline run by and for trans people.
Connect with At Ease Counselling
If you would like to learn more about how counselling can help you, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. To determine if I’m a good fit, please book a free 15-minute consultation.
