Starting couples counselling is similar to driving. You and your partner are in the front, and as your counsellor, I’m sitting in the passenger seat in the back. You both set a goal similar to a destination, and this determines the direction we drive. You and your partner may struggle to agree on which direction we should drive towards. I will gently encourage you to slow down so we can pull over and focus on what emotions are coming to the surface. Some sessions may involve driving down familiar roads, some of which are upsetting and painful for one or both of you. This is not easy, but you are not alone; we process these experiences together as we move forward. You gain new insight into your partner, learning about their needs and fears, how their attachment style affects your relationship, and what lies beneath the surface. This new insight will help you strengthen your connection and bond. As you drive home after your counselling session and reflect on your relationship, you notice how far you have come.
I am a registered clinical counsellor in Burnaby (#19428) who supports couples in strengthening their connections and relationships.
I am a Burnaby therapist who works with you and your partner to explore your cycle, feelings, behaviour and thoughts. This happens in a safe, non-judgmental, and confidential space, in-person and online. You may feel like you are pursuing your partner, and the more you pursue, the more your partner shuts down or avoids you. We unpack these feelings and where you both feel stuck.
At Ease Counselling in Burnaby, I offer couples counselling in-person and online counselling to adults. I work with you to help you achieve your goals and strengthen your connection.
As your Burnaby BIPOC counsellor, I ensure you and your partner feel seen, heard, validated, and accepted. Starting your counselling journey takes courage, and I am here to support you every step of the way.
You may long for a connection with your partner, and sometimes, when these feelings come to the surface, you become louder. Your partner hears you and may feel criticised. They may feel inadequate or not good enough. When they feel like this, they may shut down. You see your partner shut down and feel as though you’re alone and abandoned.
You may long for a connection with your partner, but sometimes you feel overwhelmed, and you shut down or avoid your partner. Your fears of your partner leaving you or feeling like a failure come to the surface, and you withdraw as a means to cope and protect yourself. You are not able to connect with your partner in this state. Your partner is left feeling hurt and disconnected.
Your anxiety comes to the surface, but you don’t communicate this; instead, you become loud. Your partner isn’t aware that you feel anxious or fearful; instead, they hear you reaching out but not realising that you are seeking a connection. As a result, your partner feels overwhelmed and shuts down. They freeze and try to protect themselves. You interpret this as your partner avoiding you, and you feel a sense of abandonment.
As a couple, you may be struggling with one or more of the following:
Burnaby couples counselling provides a non-judgmental, kind, and compassionate space to help you strengthen your connection. Together, we focus on your needs, which may include the following:
Burnaby couples counselling focuses on strengthening the connection and bond between couples. Often, couples who start couples counselling reach out because they feel disconnected from their partner. As your Burnaby therapist, I learn more about your cycle; the dance you find yourself doing with your partner and where you each start to feel stuck. I ask couples, ‘If I were a fly on the wall, what would I witness and hear from each of them?’ Together, we unpack experiences that have left you or your partner feeling angry, sad, disappointed, or hurt. I spend time with you and your partner to understand how each of you felt, what thoughts surfaced, and what behaviours you engaged in or not in that moment. For example, you may feel angry at your partner, and you may believe that you are unimportant, even though that’s not true.
Burnaby couples counselling explores your connection and helps you identify where you feel stuck. As your Burnaby therapist, I’m interested in learning about a couple’s attachment style, needs and fears. I ask couples to complete attachment questionnaires, which explore an individual’s attachment to their primary caregivers or parents. Together, we explore how you and your partner sought comfort and who you could rely on. With some of the couples I support, one partner learnt that they could not rely on others, and consequently, they self-soothe. They learnt that others couldn’t be trusted and that their needs would not be met consistently. Despite being in a loving, healthy relationship, they may feel less inclined to open up and vulnerable. Some partners share a fear of opening up, as they worry that their partner will judge them or see them as weak, even though that’s not true.
Burnaby couples counselling in Burnaby helps you heal from experiences that result in feelings of disconnection from your partner. For example, you may feel misunderstood by your partner, or you may feel like they do not see or hear you. As your Burnaby therapist, I unpack how you feel when you believe your partner does not see or hear you. I’m curious to learn more about the story you tell yourself. For some partners, they feel triggered and negative core beliefs, such as feeling unlovable or being too much, come to the surface. These negative core beliefs are deeply rooted and stem from past experiences. When they come to the surface, individuals may move away from their partner, shut down, avoid, or spiral. As your Burnaby counsellor, I help individuals heal from these negative core beliefs.
Couples counselling, couples therapy or marriage counselling is a form of counselling that focuses on partners interested in strengthening their connection and bond. Some couples seek couples counselling to improve communication, while others need support rebuilding trust. Sometimes, a partner seeks couples counselling as a last resort, hoping it will save their relationship. At Ease Counselling supports a range of couples, including same sex couples and those who are in polyamorous relationships.
No, any couple who is in a committed relationship can start couples counselling. You may be common-law partners, engaged, dating or in a polyamous relationship. As your Burnaby therapist, I support couples in their relationships. Some people, for example, reach out before starting a family, while others start couples counselling before getting married. Provided both individuals are committed to couples counselling, it can strengthen your connection.
As your counsellor in Burnaby, I’m curious to learn about your cycle and where one or both partners feel misunderstood. Together, we unpack examples of where you or your partner do not feel heard or seen. We identify patterns, for example, where one partner becomes louder or more critical, and the louder they become, the quieter and more withdrawn the other partner becomes. Both partners long to feel heard, but they are not available for their partner in that moment. I build rapport and safety with each partner. I listen to both partners without rushing or interrupting them. We spend time identifying what you and your partner don’t communicate to one another and what gets in the way. For some people, it’s their fear, such as a fear of judgment or a lack of safety.
Couples counselling can help couples strengthen their connection and bond. If you or your partner feels disconnected, alone, angry, sad or hurt, couples counselling may be beneficial. At Ease Counselling in Burnaby provides a safe space for couples to unpack issues that haven’t been resolved, such as past hurt or communication issues. You may have experienced a life transition, such as moving house or wanting to start a family, but you may struggle with feeling misunderstood and experiencing frequent disagreements. As your therapist in Burnaby, I explore and unpack your feelings and how they impact your connection. Couples counselling can feel like hard work and requires a time commitment from each of you. Couples counselling doesn’t work when only one partner is invested and committed.
It is not uncommon for one partner to be less interested in starting couples counselling. As your counsellor in Burnaby, I’ve learned that there can be several reasons for this, including fear of the unknown, feeling uncomfortable talking to a stranger, feeling embarrassed about seeking help, and worrying about being judged, to name a few. At Ease Counselling in Burnaby offers a free consultation, and this can help address some of these fears and feelings. That said, your partner may not feel ready or equipped to start couples counselling, and they may benefit from some individual counselling first. Starting couples counselling in Burnaby is not easy; it is no walk in the park. In fact, there is some heavy lifting involved. Opening up and being vulnerable is also scary, and as your counsellor, I am here to support you and your partner every step of the way, when you are ready to start.
As a Burnaby BIPOC counsellor, sessions focus on meeting you where you are and working at your pace, alongside you, with compassion, kindness, and curiosity, both in-person and online.
As a Burnaby therapist, I incorporate evidence-based modalities in every session. I am trained in various evidence-based modalities, including Acceptance Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, and Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. Each of these modalities equips me to support your unique needs, and we work together to achieve your counselling goals.
As a Burnaby therapist, I understand the impact of inequality and oppression, providing a safe, non-judgmental, and inclusive space in-person and online. People from all ethnic backgrounds, genders, and sexual orientations, including 2SLGBTQ+, are welcome. As a South Asian Burnaby therapist, I create a culturally sensitive space, and I am curious to learn more about your culture, norms, and values.
At Ease Counselling sessions focus on meeting you where you are and working at your pace alongside you with compassion, kindness, and curiosity in Burnaby and online.